The British Raft Race series hit Cardiff and as per usual there was a lot of buzz about Oarsome. Rumours of injuries to big name rafters, new top secret swimming techniques and Team Oarsome’s revolutionary ability to exploit what scientists have termed ‘invisible eddy’s’, have kept the sports pages and pubs running for weeks.
Thousands thronged CIWW for the British Raft Race to get a glimpse of the Oarsome heroes. A swan believed to have been sent by a team that we will not name, attempted a violent take over of the white water course, Thankfully this atrocity was soon ended when 3 members of the GB ladies team removed him from the course and once away from cameras and small children heroically tore the swan apart and ate it raw! For this action the GB ladies team was promoted on mass to honorary members of Team Oarsome.
Onto the racing, a literally amazing sprint run then saw Team Oarsome handicapped for the head to head with an AQUA design raft in which the team heroically and valiantly won what all present saw as a moral victory. Team Oarsome’s one weakness has always been an uncontrollably huge level of testosterone and consequently power, hence our occasionally dubious slalom runs, to that end Annajoined the crew and with some much needed and calming estrogen the team easily gleamed a clean run, leaving moo so sorry for the other teams that he purposefully hit some of the gate posts just to give them a chance. Powerful, merciful, ginger, are there any boxes he doesn’t tick?
At the end of the first day after some serious re-hydrating and brain training in the form of 21 (and variations there of) it was decided that our power to weight ratio wasn’t all it could be and so, heroically Trev stepped forward to discharge the excess weight through vomit – team doctors told us this was a perfectly reasonable thing to do and that ‘athletic bulimia’ as its known, is the corner stone of all major sports teams.
The proof was in the pudding and early the next morning Team Oarsome performed brilliantly in the endurance race and were feted later at the award ceremony for numerous things, including best website! With the chants of ‘OARSOME! OARSOME!’ still ringing in the Team’s ears they retired to do more press ups.